The Witcher Netflix Episode 5 Review: Bottled Appetites

Please note that this article will have spoilers for The Witcher up to Season 1 Episode 5: Bottled Appetites.

Things for The Witcher Netflix series have gone more or less completely off the rails by the time Episode 5 reaches its conclusion. The episode should have been one of the most significant for the show to date as it finally brings Geralt and Yennefer together, but the dialogue reaches new lows, the sexposition reaches new levels of camp, and the whole thing is really just a giant mess from start to finish.

The long-awaited and underwhelming meeting between Geralt and Yennefer starts by Jaskier happening to stumble upon Geralt while out in the woods. Jaskier aka Dandelion is best in small doses, and he can bring some much-needed levity to Geralt's gruff seriousness. But he's just too much here, with his constant joking undermining every serious thing that happens in the episode. Jaskier's quips make it impossible to take anything seriously, whether it's his near-death at the hands of a Djinn or when he later awakens in Yennefer's bed.

Geralt is having difficulty sleeping, and so he seeks out a Djinn, apparently to wish for peace and quiet. This goofy set-up is completely unnecessary when one considers the set-up of this same story in the The Last Wish novel. Instead of Geralt actively searching for a Djinn like in The Witcher Netflix series, the book version sees Geralt and Jaskier accidentally stumble on it while fishing, which is a premise that makes a great deal more sense.

At any rate, Jaskier winds up cursed by the Djinn when he tries to use it to make wishes. His throat enlarges and he starts coughing up blood, and while Geralt may find Jaskier annoying, he also values their friendship and is always trying to prevent an innocent person from dying. Geralt rushes Jaskier to the nearest doctor, only to learn that magic is the only thing that can cure him. Geralt then seeks out the nearest mage, who just so happens to be Yennefer, who now spends her days forcing people to have orgies through magic and giving impotent men erections with what can only be described as Viagra smoke.

Yennefer's character here feels completely one-dimensional. She is made the villain of the episode, and so every other facet of her character is downplayed. And when she's not being one-note, she's being sexualized. This entire episode is obsessed with sex, whether it be the magic orgy scene or yet another Geralt bathtub scene, with plenty of Yennefer nudity for good measure.

Yennefer's regression as a character is reminiscent of The Witcher Episode 4's portrayal of Queen Calanthe. While one could argue that since that episode was set in the past that Queen Calanthe hadn't fully developed as a character yet, she really came across as a cartoon villain. Similarly, Yennefer is cartoonish, and she is given some eye-rolling dialogue to boot. Throw in an elf lusting after Yennefer and we have the makings of a very messy episode of The Witcher.

The lusty elf doctor's inclusion in the plot is completely unnecessary and he adds nothing to the proceedings. Perhaps he will have a more notable role later on, but otherwise if one removes him from the story, nothing really changes. Luckily, we still have Henry Cavill's performance as Geralt to keep this episode from being a completely lost cause, and he has a couple of standout moments, like when he knocks a guard out with a bag of coins and brings back his signature obscene catchphrase. Geralt talks a bit too much in this episode, though, and trades some campy dialogue with Yennefer, though it's thankfully not enough to completely ruin his mystique. What does hurt his character a bit, though, is when the sense of urgency to heal Jaskier is completely dropped just so Geralt and Yennefer can have one of their weird, campy conversations.

Through all of this camp, what eventually happens is that Yennefer cures Jaskier and tries to transform herself using the Djinn's magic, but Geralt ends up using his wish to free the creature. Geralt and Yennefer then have some off-screen sex, and yet again, every major conflict in Geralt's story is resolved by the time the credits roll.

With Geralt and Yennefer actually together in a story for once, this leaves Princess Ciri to have the lone B-plot of the episode. Ciri is still just hanging out in the woods, but she is hunted down by a "doppler" who is able to take the form of her dead godfather Mousesack (yes, that is his real name). Mousesack is looking to lure Ciri and Dara out of the forest to certain danger, and it seems as though he has succeeded in that, though it's unclear what happens next.

Whereas The Witcher Episode 1 proved that the show had a great deal of promise, Episode 5 proves that the show is really struggling to maintain a high level of quality. The jumping timelines weren't nearly as much of an issue in this episode as Geralt and Yennefer have met up, but the dialogue and plotting of "Bottled Appetites" were atrocious. Even Geralt, the best part of any given Witcher episode by a considerable margin, couldn't do much to salvage this one. Hopefully Geralt and Yennefer finally coming together will lead to a more cohesive plot moving forward and some more momentum for Ciri's story, but the show definitely needs to work on some things if it hopes to be a truly memorable adaptation of the stories.

The Witcher is available to stream now, exclusively on Netflix.